04: Relationships cont’d

with 2 comments

DeAngelo is an internet marketer whose dating products and particular philosophies about men and women have made him popular within the PUA (Pick-up-Artist) or “seduction” community (sometimes referred to as “The Game”). He writes on his website that, “I’m actually a pretty normal guy, who went through a point where I decided that I needed to get this part of my life called ‘meeting women’ handled.” He writes that he spent a lot of time observing what men did who were naturally “successful” with women and that he finally began to understand the sometimes paradoxical secrets which attract women, and how this involves understanding what makes women different to men.

Do you remember how in the previous chapter both Robert Lawlor and David Deida suggested women had a natural tendency to tell lies? DeAngelo starts his book in similar territory with his first chapter entitled Women Don’t Make Sense. He claims, “most women THINK differently than most men, and most women want different things than most men.” This is demonstrated for DeAngelo by the likelihood that “women buy Cosmopolitan magazines, watch soap operas, and read romance novels. Men buy Playboy, watch sports, and read the paper.”

The reason for this apparent distinction feeds back into the biological determinism discussed in previous chapters, as DeAngelo argues that “women’s brains are wired differently from men’s brains.” Again, as discussed previously, he also feeds into the historic precedent to justify these differences stating that, “women are playing out a role that hasn’t changed for thousands (or millions?) of years. These days the language and clothing are different. But it’s the same that it’s always been.” Outlining the historical characteristics of masculinity, DeAngelo shares a commonality with Harvey Mansfield when he refers to “competition, adrenaline, power, domination… all the typical guy stuff. Incidentally, stuff that fulfills needs that most women just plain don’t have.”

DeAngelo also questions the value of monogamy as “men are hard-wired to look for sexual opportunities and seek out sexual variety.” Again somewhat in line with Mansfield who claimed that the “gender-neutral” society seeks to deny manliness wherever it finds it, in his “it’s OK to be a man” section, DeAngelo describes the assumption of monogamy as a “conspiracy against men being successful with women” which has been “formalized, passed down, and force-fed to us culturally by rulers, religions, and women for thousands of years.”

The main drive of DeAngelo’s argument is that men must seize the power and control in a relationship with women (somewhat like a mantra, a variant of “power” is used 43 times and “control” 31 times in Double Your Dating). Indeed, he must be in control of everything: “of the situation, himself, his emotions, other people, her… control of the entire reality that they share.”  In short, this means engaging a number of counter-intuitive strategies to attract women, such as avoiding being too nice to them (which is perceived as appearing needy) and rejecting any amorous advances which are not solely on the man’s terms. This is encapsulated by DeAngelo’s statement of “never give a woman a direct answer… unless it’s NO… Never give a woman exactly what she wants.” This is offered with the caveat from DeAngelo that “I want to make sure you don’t start acting like an ‘asshole’ to women. The masculine man says, ‘No’ to a woman calmly. The Asshole says, ‘No’ to a woman in an angry tone.”



Written by Joseph Gelfer

December 14, 2010 at 3:18 pm

2 Responses

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  1. It’s ironic that women are deemed the “liars” while men are given instruction in how to be duplicitous game players.

    Don Miguel Ruiz has better relationship points in “The 4 agreements” wherein all humans are exhorted to be impeccable with our word and not to make/create assumptions. People following con books like deangelo’s pretty much ARE assholes, “assholes” being manipulative, unempathic jerks.


    July 11, 2013 at 10:12 am

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